Friday, June 25, 2010

Do Liberals Like Abortion?

Or do they think it's a bad thing that ought to be avoided if at all possible? To me, abortion is the aftermath of an accident. You didn't mean to get pregnant, but you did. Your birth control failed. I wouldn't brag about that. You ought to put a warning sticker on your forehead. "I Am a Birth Control Incompetent." I don't know about you, but I'd be a little embarrassed. You're waving a sign and marching? Abortion is for people who can't get a condom to work.

1.3 million abortions a year. That's a lot of birth control failure. A lot of people are failing, failing, failing. Did you study for the test?

It's drunk screwing is what it is. We drink alcohol and have sex. And we drink so much alcohol that we skip the birth control. What percentage of that 1.3 million abortions a year do you figure are due to drunk screwing?

Whenever I don't use birth control, I'm drunk. And she's drunk, too. We're both drunk. And I ask, "Are we okay on the birth control?" And she says, "Yeah." What am I going to do, ask the U.N. to investigate? Sounds good to me. But drunk people are notoriously bad at doing even simple tasks, like driving a car or practicing safe sex.
Drinking, screwing, driving. You should never do two of those things at once. Jimmy Buffett asks, "Why don't we get drunk and screw?" Because you'll forget the damn birth control, that's why. Plus you don't even like each other. That's why you need to get drunk to screw. Why do you need alcohol to lubricate? Ask yourself that. Sing that song.

I think sex ed ought to be like driver's ed. They ought to show you films of mangled bodies. Scare the crap out of the kids. This is what happens when you drink and drive. And this is what happens when you drink and screw. Mangled bodies! Baby's arm is ripped off! It's horrible. Abortion is like a car wreck. It's an accident you want to avoid.

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