Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Baby on Death Row

Did you know that a couple of years ago Congress passed a rule that you can't execute a murderer if she's pregnant?  Passed it 417-0.  Nobody, I mean nobody, wants to kill a baby on death row.  That's sweet.  Baby has a right to life.  Death row's the only place in America where a baby has a right to life.  It's nice.  I think it's nice.  Baby gets to live, and mama too, for awhile.  Oh you killer mama.

I don't know about you, but if I was a woman facing that electric chair, I think I'd get off the pill and lower my standards a little bit.  That guard's kinda cute.  If you close one eye.  "Hey, guard.  You sexy.  You got a sexy walk.  Come here."

That's my problem, I've been hitting on women in bars.  Death row is where I need to be.  Easy as pie.  That place is hoppin'.

You know the warden's mad.  "Damn it!  She's pregnant again.  We're never gonna gas this bitch."

"She's fertile.  That serial killer is fertile."

You know how they say funerals make women horny?  Well, wait till you get 'em on death row.  That's a passionate woman right there. 

I know what you're going to say.  It's wrong.  Impregnating a woman on death row.  Who's desperate.  But she's so damn happy!  "Oh, baby.  Oh, baby!  You saved my life."

"You know it."

"You ravished me.  You rescued me."

"It's like a fairy tale."

I know it violates some sort of ethical code.  On the other hand, I'm pro-life.  And I'm opposed to capital punishment.  And I like sex.  A lot. 

I kinda think it's a gray area.     

I know, they're never gonna hire me now.  Damn it, I messed up my application to the girl's prison.

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