Monday, July 5, 2010

That Damn Right-Wing Media

Can you imagine if our media was made up of pro-lifers? I mean, abortion would last like a week. Mike Wallace would be ambushing Justice Breyer on the steps of the Capital.

"Partial-birth abortion. You're now getting the baby out of the womb and terminating her out here?"

"No comment."

"Aren't you concerned about infanticide?"

"No comment."

"Let me ask you about free-floating fetal heads."

"No!  No comment."

"We're aborting children because they're retarded?"

"No comment!  Get the fuck off me, Wallace, you fucker. Don't quote me."

It would be bizarro world, right? Man, that would be an interesting place to visit. The arbitrary memo that Justice Blackmun passed around would be considered a smoking gun. Hell, in our world, Bob Woodward discovers the memo and runs a story on it. In his story, this cracks me up, in his story Woodward talks to a bunch of legal experts, and all of them say, "Arbitrary, uh, that's really bad. That's, you know, unusual and bad. Like really bad. I mean that's really kind of unusual and bad."

On bizarro world, the heat is on, right? You'd have Senators calling for a Senate inquiry, issuing subpoenas to judicial clerks. "What did you know and when did you know it?" Some of the clerks would resist the urge to rat out the Court. "It's a privileged conversation." They'd be squirming under the spotlight. All of a sudden there's talk of charging them with obstruction of justice.

"Holy shit," says Geoffrey Stone, former Dean of the University of Chicago law school, and former underling to William Brennan in 1973.

"You did not see the arbitrary memo?"

"I do not recall."

"Did you not realize that an arbitrary point, without regard to the life of the unborn, would likely result in infanticide?"

"On advice of counsel, I plead the fifth."

On bizarro world, you know there's some liberal who's ranting about how President Nixon needs to be impeached. And everybody's shrugging and saying, "whatever".

I feel for you, liberal on bizarro world. I do.

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